Saturday 20 April 2013

Do you really need to have children to enjoy crafts?

I like to think my posts are usually quite light-hearted, but today I am afraid I really have to let off a little steam. There is a lovely little place in Bath, the Makery, that sells bits and pieces and runs sewing courses and I get their updates on Facebook. Yesterday their update was excitedly announcing  a 'Mummy Mondays: a crafty night out for mums'. I assumed it was one of those things where someone has not thought through the name and it is actually open to anyone, so I queried it - only to find it really is only open to women with children but they are thinking of a separate evening when the childless would be allowed to attend!

Now I am fortunate to be sufficiently grateful that the 9 pound growth I had on my womb a few years back turned out to be benign and not the endometrial cancer the doctors suspected, to feel that not being able to have children is an ok price for being alive and fit enough to enjoy that life, but I know women who are torn apart by not being able to have children. For a business to think it is acceptable to segregate sewing evenings into those who can have children and those who can't is utterly heartless. Do they not realise what a slap in the face that would be for a woman already struggling to come to terms with not being a mum? Moreover, why should a woman not be able to chose not to have children, whether or not she could have them? Should a love of crafting be a deciding factor in whether or not to have children??

To be fair, this whinge is not entirely down to the Makery - there are are a number of groups set up for mums only, not to be...what?...tainted?...by the childless (perhaps they do not realise childlessness is not an infectious disease). I am forever being asked if I have children and when I say no I am reassured that I shouldn't worry as I am not too old yet (which actually, I think I probably am) and have I considered adoption? I generally feel my medical history is not their business, unless I am feeling particularly prickly (as I am today) and tell them just to make them stop going on about it. Fortunately, I have always considered having children, or not, a matter of fate. I really am so pleased for my friends when they have children, I love my nieces and nephews to bits and I thoroughly enjoy babysitting, but I think my life is bloody marvellous as it is...even without children.

I simply do not understand why there should be such an undercurrent in the world of crafts that sewing and knitting are things that only mothers do. Childless women, single women and...shock horror...even men can enjoy crafting too!

10 comments:

  1. I really do agree! Hugs from Annika

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  2. I find it appallingly impolite to think that one has the right to question someone elses choice, whether they want/don't want children or not. Surely that is a very personal question?

    And frankly, I would have thought that without children, one would have more time for crafting!

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    1. I do wonder if it is really what the attendees want - as Tracey says, I would have thought that, after spending all day with the kids, people might like to expand their chat in to non-children topics.

      I have a silly image of attendees having to produce their children's birth certificates or be shown the door. ;-)

      Ah well...

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  3. I agree completely Sue! It does seem both short-sighted and alienating towards the more-solvent end of their clientele. Apart from anything else, if they are wanting to encourage Mums, most of us don't want motherhood to completely define us, and would welcome a night off in the company of crafty women in general.

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    1. Thanks Tracey - it is good to know that three mums agree with me! I don't think anybody wants to be defined by whether or not they have children - after all we are complex, many faceted beings; individuals in our own right.

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  4. It seems to be a trend, I've noticed a few things recently aimed at 'Mums' that apply a very narrow definition of motherhood. Even classes aimed at mums and children should allow aunts and nieces and such. Woman suffer enough discrimination and exclusion without inflicting it on each other. It makes me sad and angry.

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    1. It is sad - you would think the subject of the class would be enough to define who attends; ie those who want to learn/practice/socialise.

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  5. Do they allow women who have had children but currently don't live with them? e.g. the divorced, or the elderly? i suspect my Mum wouldn't be 'allowed in' even though she's had two! (she's been known to ask why we can't use the 'parent and child' parking slots!!)

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    1. That's a good point; I suspect there is some imposed judgement when a mother is deemed to be too old to still be classed as a yummy mummy. It is a shame there seems to be a need to classify people.

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